We all do it. One day we’re sailing along happy-as-Larry, growing our businesses; the next, we are blaming someone or something for things not going our way.
We can fall into being a ‘victim’ without even realizing we’re doing it.
And while we all do this from time to time, the key to staying out of ‘victim mode’ is to be aware we’re headed into the loop, see how quickly we can catch ourselves, and take action.
Recently, when I was in Austin, Texas at my mastermind, I experienced first-hand the beginnings of a spiral into the Victim Loop.
After getting a personal invite, I had just joined this new mastermind program, and I had invested (big) to join. So, like any investment in business and ourselves, it was scary.
As the mastermind kicked off, I was not disappointed… (at first).
Let me explain.
The minute I joined the first day of the 6 day event, I was blown away. I was instantly taken to a new level of business understanding.
I learnt SO much on the first day alone, and within days I had filled books of ideas.
But, on day 4 something happened.
I had a chance to be in the hot-seat, where others were invited to support me with a personal problem, and I didn’t get the answers I was hoping for.
I slowly became irritable. I started questioning my investment. I started panicking because I hadn’t got the answers.
I started to ask, 'What was I supposed to do next?'
I even started to get angry at the event organisers; feeling that the support I had pictured wasn’t just wasn’t there.
I started to panic.
I didn’t like this irritation rising in me. I felt shame at feeling spoilt or ungrateful, yet it was there, and I started to think more and more negative thoughts.
At this point I caught myself at a point (which I later learnt was the ‘choice point’ of the Victim Loop).
I knew this is not how I wanted to experience the event, and so before bed that night I pulled out my journal and started to let my emotions out on the page to see what was really going on.
Journalling is my go-to tool for letting go of emotions when I am not feeling ‘high-vibe’.
I journalled 3 pages, and by the end identified that the truth wasn’t the story I’d been carrying that day (I don’t know WHAT to do next in my biz) – heck, I’d just done 4 days of intense training, so I had plenty of ‘what–to-dos’!
The truth was, I didn’t know HOW. And instead of seeing that, I had avoided it and gone into victim mode.
So I asked myself, “What do I need to move forward?”
3 things came to me:
1. I need to understand the steps it will take to implement the funnel I had come up with in previous days (I’m great at big ideas, but I don’t always understand HOW to do the technical pieces at first)
2. I need a copywriter who understands advanced sales funnels
3. I need someone on my team who can build that funnel
As soon as I got that clarity and broke the overwhelm down into steps (see my process for doing that here) I felt a massive sense of relief – and all of my agitation was gone in an instant.
Now, this is where the power of masterminds come into their greatest:
At breakfast the next morning, I ASKED the others in the group if anyone knew of a copywriter that understands advanced sales funnels, what I should be looking for in a funnel builder, and what the steps I needed to take to implement the funnel might be.
Before we even started the mastermind for the day, I had answers for all three questions:
· Someone had walked me right through the entire step-by-step process of implementing my ideas.
· I had a copywriter introduction, and...
· I had 2 offers of help to build out the funnel (or help me identify the tasks if I wanted to manage it myself).
The Victim Loop was explained to me by a fellow mastermind friend later in the event AFTER I'd gone through this wobbly patch and it looks like this.
I had moved from Victim to Accountable by taking the following steps:
1 – Recognising that I wasn’t feeling high-vibe and choosing to explore it within myself (no more blaming others)
2 – Identifying what I needed in order to move forward
3 – ASKING!! I was blown away by how much people wanted to help when I knew what to ask for and wasn’t afraid to do so (no one can help us if we can’t ask for what we need – people are not mind readers – it is our responsibility to ASK)
Not only did I get so much clarity, but I enjoyed the remainder of the event even more than the start. I was so open to new ideas and being part of the supportive network of the mastermind.
Had I stayed in the Victim Loop, things might not have been so expansive for me and I highly likely would have cut myself off from receiving all of the greatness that was on offer for me.
Let me know in the comments if you have ever found yourself in the Victim Loop and what strategies you used to move yourself up into the Accountability Loop. How did you move yourself forward in growing your business? What did you learn from that experience? Did you notice a pattern?